Breaking for A Bit of Sanity

I am NOT a machine!!! Just like many others I have good intentions, lofty goals, and crazy like ambition. However the unending deadlines make any type of rest/relaxation difficult and almost impossible. I got the book intro done and sent off yesterday (Tuesday), YAY! I had a celebratory toast with friends and took the day off by watching some tv and getting some time outside - I was holding on hard to the illusion of freedom to just soak in the sun. ----Then I wake up today and its back to the mode of what-do-I-owe-somebody....I view it sort of like money - if you are late you run a serious risk with future problems. I can't stand the idea of owing anyone at all. So where I stand in the peaks and valleys of writing is having an essay due next friday, and an edited volume due next month that thankfully is already done! I won't go down the list of the mountain of other things on my desk waiting for me. I don't know what the future holds with this incredible amount of work I am tackling so I will have to wait and see what is in store....

Writing for Tomorrow...

For the past five days I have voluntarily locked myself in my apartment and got down deep with this inro, truly overdue!!! I decided to not let myself blog until I could really show for my time...so alas, I logged an estimated 1,369 mins!!! Yup that's over 22 hours of writing, thinking, editing, and revising!!!! That may not seem like much to many writers but some people don't even average that in a week or even a month's time. --- How did I do it? I pretty much stayed in pajamas all weekend - of course making time to shower - and just ate whatever i had on hand already prepared, watched mindless tv, and moved from the dining room, office, and constantly back to the couch making miracles happen. I passed up concerts, festivals, bike rides and pretty much all human contact outside the phone. It was incredibly painful, isolating, tiring, and yet inspring to see how I could accomplish my goal to have this intro prettttty much DONE!! Printed out my last version to edit tomorrow morning and then I think I gotta let this baby on to the editor so I can prepare to shine in the near and far future....Lesson learned through it all, GO HARD WRITING or get out the way so others can leave their lasting mark!!!!!

Moving With the Writing Tidal Wave

Yesterday I was in a total writing groove - myyyy goodness!! For the first time I felt feelings of excitement, and drive, and purpose with the writing. Who knows what was in my green tea but it was a constant outpour of ideas and just feeling like I can do it!!!! Maybe its irritation with having something undone but I would attribute it to really wanting to finish a preset deadline by getting this intro out of my hands and back to my editor so that I am no longer the hold up in this mysterious process of writing an academic book. It was less about pages but more about solidifying ideas and being more clear and direct with what the book will do so i feel accomplished in the many hours I spent working on my craft....My reward was sighhhh, more tv! :)

Cycling Onward

Today was one of those days where I wanted to do everything but write!! I have been finding myself wandering around my apartment finding any and every task/chore to handle before i actually sit down to write. I was  supposed to have met up with a friend at the coffeeshop to write and seeing that i did not want to drive anywhere I was able to get that rescheduled. I also made different calls I suppose to allow myself to stay distracted from undone book intro. Then there came a point where I felt down right guilty that a colleague took time out of their schedule to read my work-in-progress and yet here I am avoiding it. So finally i said, damnit quit being lazy and distracted and get to work! I permitted myself to lounge on the couch while watching tv (with the sound off) and handle this editing; that seemed to work because before I knew it I had gotten in my base of 3 hours of writing, thinking, and rewriting!!! No rewards in sight just yet - well maybe an episode of Da Vinci's Demons - but I plan to stay in the house and off the grid for the next two days tackling this intro!  Until then I'm taking it back to my southern roots to heed some sage advice ...

Passing Guilt

I had not blogged in the past three days and sadly I found myself beginning to beat myself up.  Then I realized why I am getting upset when 1) Sunday I worked for 3 hours writing and editing AND that day is my normal lazy day off and 2) I was partially rewarding myself on Monday for getting my intro sent to one colleague who gave feedback the next day which I turned around and sent it to another colleague who sent comments the same day. This really really is my first week with sabbatical in full effect without any commitments on my calendar except for fun so it is what it is, summer!!!! My list of writing deadlines continue to grow as the days pass on...however all will be ok!!!

Rolling With The Interruptive Punches

Today began with what I call a start-stop. I went out last night and was truly dragging to get out of the bed this morning - at one point I laid there thinking why can't I just go play without the burden of work!? I had a couple meetings today so I figured I would get in about 30 mins of writing before starting my day. Thennnnn the phone rang and the writing stopped....note to self to turn all phones OFF when in writing mode! After my meetings sadly I was feeling sleepy from the food but I told myself, just do an hour and see what happens. So thankfully I got in a total of 3 good hours of editing, cutting, and more revising. Then that feeling came over me where I knew that the draft of my book intro was as good as it could get it and I became quite sickened looking at it any further. So I sent it off to a colleague for help and now I have the rest of the day...to sleep, play, and be mindless!

Paper Cuts...

Today I got up even earlier to write (7AM), must be the feeling of freedom that I am wearing tightly these days....about an hour later I got a call that cut deeply... a close friend from grad school called to inform me that my adviser/mentor/biggest advocate from graduate school made his transition!!! It was hard to hear and even harder to get back to the writing soon after, but I pressed forward hearing him in my ear asking me if what I was doing for the uplift of people.  In the often chaotic uncertainty of university of jobs, anxiety over tenure, chasing permanency with tenure,  LIFE/DEATH happens!! No matter when or how you can never prepare yourself. How do you reckon with the first loss of a mentor??? You are never trained for that but I liken it to a paper cut where it seems small (not being the loss of a parent or sibling) yet the pain is enduring, making it difficult to forget! As my aunt always says to me, the only constant in life is change!!! ---- I remain consistent with pressing forward I wrote a total of 4 hours today knowing that I do this work not for myself but the living and the those on the other side always looming close guiding me forward.

Caught in the Rat Race!

Yesterday my writing took a complete hit given my last round of graduation chaos. The university I am at it seems like a week long web of events masses of us run to and from keeping our calendars and the time always in mind. Shifting between crowds of administrators, parents, and students, when I was able to grab a free second to think I found myself daydreaming . . . i could have been home writing. -----In the illusive minds of students and parents they believe that teaching really matters but it is just busy work we are expected to perform while being expected to keep research always central in our lives. I digress but when it was done I spent 3 hours socializing and never once sat down to feed the writing machine.  No bike ride either...:/

Running to Writing Freedom!

Even though my leave is in full effect, today was my last day of being asked to show up on campus. I got up early - more from the sheer anxiety of it all - to work on a graduation speech I was giving. So I was productive on and off all day but not with my actual work (books, articles, you know the "real tenure stuf). I ended up putting in close to 3 hours of writing and editing so I am proud b/c in the end it went great!! The speech went over great extremely well (parents, students and colleagues all came up to thank me for my words). Afterwards I grabbed a quick sandwich and then bailed out and yelled (to myself) I's free, I's free...

Got to Get Some Writing Into My Life!

Today I felt more alert and excited to get to work. I popped up early and was at the dining room table with a print out of the intro working by 8:30am! With a mug of peppermint tea I somehow felt more empowered with the writing and the revising than usual. As I lingered over sentences seeing the intro get much stronger, I keep thinking as long as I get in 1-2 hours a day of writing that will give a nice weekly total. Gotta get that writing not only into my life but a central part!!!  Then the bell went off and an email came through with copyedits for another essay I finished a month and 1/2 ago. Alas, the work never ceases. Amidst all of this, I have one more speech to give on campus tomorrow and then I am officially free of these obligatory campus/service duties until Fall 2014.....  This being the second day of my sabbatical, my reward was another bike ride AND a free blues concert!

Jamming With Art In Mind

I finally dragged around the house (after watching tv for hours, shopping online, and going back and forth reading news and on that ever distracting site called Facebook) and then sat down (around noon) to do some work. Before sitting down I lit some incense then turned on the jazz cable station. As I sat down "Art Taylor" was playing and I could only chuckle that I here I am hoping to start re-creating my own "art" through my writing and he is playing....cheesy I know... I am looking to finish the intro to my book and get it back to the editor by the end of the month so I have to work to do! I made major edits rewriting, rethinking and moving sentences around through 7 pages... the groove is slowly rolling  and as Art's song "Move" played on I began to flow with ideas. Once deeper into the writing I had this anxious feeling that I needed to be somewhere (being bound to my calendar during the normal work week) and then I quickly calmed myself down to reality of freedom and became ever grateful for the uninterrupted time. A couple hours later I felt the intro coming alive and then called it quits around 2pm only b/c I found myself too distracted wanting to get outside and play.   ----- With the first day of work done, I may go hop on the bike for an sunny afternoon ride. :)

Ease on Down!

With grades submitted and the "leave" (a year on faculty sabbatical from my univ job) officially in motion now the real work begins.  As I taught my last classes, interacted with students and faculty for final end of year meals and celebrations, I found myself constantly thinking- --- will I really be able to show for my uninterrupted time?  In prep for the time off I consulted with colleagues and mentors as I gleaned insight from their varied experiences, but my path will of course curve in rather interesting, exciting, and even challenging ways to set me up for the future! So over the next year I will chart that golden writing road to show how I attempted to navigate this unfamiliar territory. Taking a cue from the "Wiz" here's to easing on down the road!